Alteration!!

I waited long for the pain to subside,
And, thought you would come back and reside.

I am shattered today,
Broken to pieces.
My faith has just died a mighty death.
The smile which you see from now on,
Belongs to a Phoney fille.

I detest you,
for the brutal slay.
I no more can find me again.

But, I now got to know,
Every one hurts one day,
The sweetness is hatred in disguise.

You killed the soul
showed me a hefty fall.

Of all I wish,
I ask to recover.
I ask forgiveness to believe someone like you.
I redeem the good to give the world back
what it gave to me.

I , hereby, decide to be happy.
No matter what life brings on!!

..

The night was still dark. And, it felt I would never feel the essence of sunrise.
The memories still giving the chasm between the two worlds.
I could not really sleep well. In the midst of night, rather morning I would say I woke up and took an exit from my room.
Perhaps, fresh air was required despite of the silence in my room.
I moved slowly without making much noise. Even the steps felt heavy not just the heart.

Wondering, why does days like these pop up, although everything seems moving smoothly, I am still suffering. "Restless"- finally, I found the word to define exactly how I felt !!
I was restless. Something was, perhaps, wrong at Cloud 9!!
I could not feel the peace I used to be cuddled with.
I could not feel the happiness which often surrounded me.
No!! Loneliness alone can't be the root cause. It has got to be something else that is killing me inside out.

The night sky was not so dark now. I just took a slow walk on my terrace. Walking is, I suppose, an answer to all unanswered questions. They never get solved but the burden is often reduced.
You tend to feel better. Probably, walking can only second sleep in providing relief and of course with people like me : Walking rocks!!

I have often noticed that some days turn out to do more damage than others.
Some people turn out more dangerous than others. And, often people close to your heart
hurt you harder than your enemies. And, some days all this crap is not easy to believe but actually true.

Some days, we try to connect the dots but can't. And, the days like this is when this entire life becomes  a hard question to answer.
The series of "WHY" have no answers at time.

I still, don't have too many answers. I am just hoping someday I will actually know- WHY things turned out the way they are.
Was that destined to happen that way or Was it the outcome of some decisions or merely a combination of both- I really don't know much.

Hope!! someday I will re-blog stating how did the dots actually connect!!
Amen!!

SomeDay !!

For some reason, we all are born.
And, it has taken me years to figure it out. Probably, I am still trying to figure out what it really is!!
A few decades back when life was still about getting into Junior High as they used to call the  10th standard in some shows- whose name I can't recall right now.

My life that time was surrounded by my first school which I loved, my comic book section, my pretty garden which is still a fond memory, the late night badminton games, the hide and seek hours and perhaps so many others.
I still recall those cramming of history lectures in my Balcony, and the most stupendous of all - looking at the night sky for hours and hours.

Life is changing each day I would say. But, somethings don't really change. I still crave for that night sky.
Sometimes, just trying to figure out the new constellations up in there which have mesmerized me more than anything in this world.

So, we grow up. Yes, we all do.
Dreaming about getting the best this life has to offer. But, when we get it-Did we really want it or something more.
What I have learnt is - we always ask for more:School-->College-->Job-->New Job-->Satisfying Job-->Highly Paid Job-->Family and probably it goes on.

And, sometimes we put at stake the most important thing we have--Ourselves.
Sounds heavy, but I feel I have changed.

I hope some day things will find their way.

Some day, everything will be in order.

And, when it does: I must have done something right.

The Changing Times

Silently rose that first step,

Who knew will it flunk now and then,

Who knew it will give wings to fly..

Or someday lead everything to disdain.

Such are the glories,

 They flare,

We glare,

And, Up there,

Somewhere, Is a burst of applauds~

Sooner, I realized,

the praises were a Myth,

Changes are for Real.

The madness.

the wildness,

which drives us crazier each day..

The shattered hopes,

the lost love..

Midway which have mattered the most..

The evanescent memories..

Which were holded for so long,

There is no left intention,

For such Retention..

A prodigious Vision,

For a Fresh Start,

Is Up on my Mind,

That's all what I have had to wind.

गम तो हर किसी की ज़िन्दगी मे है ,

पर हमने मुसकुराहटों को तवजो दी है  ।

एक किनारा तो सबके पास है 

हमने फिर भी  आसमानों से ही ख्वाइश की है ।

नमी तो आँखों मैं भी कम नहीं 

दिल ने फिर भी बारिश की तमन्ना की है ।

गतिरोध अक्सर हमे मिल ही जाते है ,
पर थम कर चलने का चलन हम ही तो लाये हैं
कितने सूनी रातों मैं हम भी तो मुस्कुराये हैं ।

ठोकरें सब को मिली ही होंगी,
पर ठोकरों से ही तो हम सबक सीख पाए है ।

:-)

The memories.

So, as I sit with that one cup of tea on my table, still staring at the empty walls- the life seemed to changed a lot- to the extent, we never dreamt of.
Suddenly, bunking lectures is transformed to bunking office, and I must say it is damn difficult job to do.
Suddenly, the tears of happiness have transformed to a silent smile.
I look back and recall these were the end days. When the last papers ended and that joy of relief that finally, we all are Engineers and nobody has to enter that lab again.
But, adding to that, the agony and pain followed - which stated we will never enter those labs Together again.

Although, a year is not too much a time but it was our first year which made us the great friends we are today or may be some initial days at school. May be this is the effect of the sickness I am suffering from that I feel nostalgic and a bit sad over the endings which has taken long time back. "Long time" - but it feels like yesterday only we entered college!!
Wondering in the dreamy ashes, my mind dwells in the aroma where the rains were looked forward to.
Umbrellas embraced the classrooms charm and rain dance did not take place in Adventure Island lol.
The greenery and the peace, the sub-conscious  us who enjoyed even the walks along the ways.

I bet everyone of us must have met someone or the other who shared there happiness, pains and notes :-)
Probably, college has given us so much to remember that although this life is moving with such  a fast pace; whenever I look back and ponder- there is that silent smile and slightly moist eyes. Perhaps, it's a sign of the memories which will be cherished forever.

I remember those long sleepless nights which we have spent drawing the electronics circuit, learning the analog electronics and cursing ourselves for wasting so much time watching Damon Salvatore/Fringe/HIMYM and not to forget the Korean Series.
As girls, we all love to talk but I have generalized this fact that during exams the whole group will come together and have chit-chats over a literally non-related topic when you have a exam tomorrow.
Although, this didn't happen with me at school but I have had friends in college who made me study and to be true -have taught me one night before exam even when there own syllabus is not complete.

17th May 2011- last day for ECE-D batch in college.
Seems like yesterday that each of us is craving for their BTP(B.Tech Project), fighting with those PPts and cursing the vivas ;P
But, there had been the great times between the tense environment where one of us will crack a joke and the others laugh aloud :)

I see those parting away posts on my FB wall daily. For my little juniors, relive these moments howsoever you can, how so many times you may, as these won't comeback ever even if crave very hard for them from now own.
Sometimes, in the lust of desires what we forget is what we have today. To appreciate and love it. Since, it has already ended for us, for those of you - if you still have a few days - make each of that day worth remembering.
Such are the tests of time; it gives us life in moments: you either live them or the time is gone forever.

With that last sip of tea, as I wind up:
Just got a message from one of my closest friend which says:
"Have you ever wondered how many thoughts,feelings and emotions are hidden behind this simple sentence:
"KUCH NAHI YAAR, BAS AISE HI TERI YAAD AA RAHI THI".

Probably, it says it all.
We don't miss friends- we just miss their jokes, their presence, their gyan, the cafe hours, the outing, the movies, the theme birthday parties, sharing the joys n sorrows and still loving each other without changing and accepting each other as the way we are. :D


In time to come, may be we don't find each other every time but this is just to say: I wish you all the best for all future endeavors. Hope, we all live happily wherever we are.

XOXO
Chitranshi (C2)

There is no second you.

There

I came and found you!

Smiled and moved on.

But, then you came again,

and we smiled together,

talked, laughed and

grew.

Then one day,

life drifted us apart.

It is a trodden road,

I would bring you back if I could,

Still, some days the cool breeze makes me smile,

And, the stars shine for a while.

I found many amongst the crowd.

But, there is none like you.

I found many along the lane,

But, none could walk beside me.

I learnt and moved on,

We had our moments and memories,

It is difficult to find another you.

As none can second you.